I'm cynical at the moment.

If you turned gay for anyone who would it be?

Sean Penn, Jonny Depp, Scarlet Johansen, Peter Pan, Audrey Hephern, Bboy Issue, Patti Smith, Cat power, Bjork. Gdragon, Dash Snow, Truman Capote, Lewis Carroll, Arthur Rimbaud. Lolita.

Ask me anything

Cat Power

♥

.................................................................................................................................I hurt people.

Julie Speed

I wanted this blog to serve as a record of who I am, and how I change, as I develop.. And with that in mind I should tell you that I have changed a lot of late. How you say? Well I'm not sure yet, but the fact that I just typed a rithoriiiicacallll question shows something.. I'm more normal. More Gay. More Puctuated.

Love will always love you like it has loved me, I love you <3 Pictures are on their way, sorry i haven't posted.. I'm not sure who i am, so I don't know what to say

So I knew, ages ago, that you were all dead to me, that I needed to find a new possie.. remember? Well I did.

I found one. However they are a long long way away, so I am still at a loss when it comes to fitting in.

Hm.
Yes.
Difficult.
The more I go on about this shit the more you think I am overhyping my life, the easier my life becomes. But that's not true, it's hard to be me ok? Yeah, it is.

When no one is around, love will always love you.. right? Maybe.. Too many, fuck it. Let's go get some friends :)

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I think, though I am lazy with many things, I have incrediably high standards, and that I'm pretty.. Intense.. When I put my mind to something..

I'm fucking fucking fucking worthless

Eeeeeevery one's heard 'working class hero' right? Well today I realized that it's true. And 'they' really do tourture and scare you for 20 odd years.
Nowhere that you go, whether you're a hermit or a scener of some square in the middle of nowhere, nowhere that you go will you be able to escape somethig that will break you.. Because something will find you and fuck you up. You can try so hard, so fuckin hard but you can't fuckin stop it.. Even a closed off asshole like me is just as vulnerable as someone who lies and loves everyday.. Why can't you just leave me alone? I went here to get away from you, can't you just fuck off?
Nice people are dirt just as I am. Dirt to Jesus? No, dirt to ourselves? I don't know and I wish I did so I could stop it.
Basicly everyone over 20 is broken somehow, impure like.

I mean, why can't you just meet a girl who's not going to fuck you over one way or another? I guess that's what I'm really saying, I wish I could, but I can't be happy on my own. And the movies aren't real, they're just a tease.. Maybe I'm dirt like they say?

(not very lyrical, but at least it's true this time)

Oldest children hav to break through motherly worry
if only to prove that trust is always betrayed
so the trust is never given
so the children are safe
but I am still the danger mouse!
Ain't nothin ta fuck wit
cause da bitches don't wait for mommy

If we didn't shit all the time we would rot, but I still decay shitting everyday. I Look at the bright kids, and picture them when they're spoilt. It's never far away. And look into their eyes: if they even realize you're there, they'll use theirs to gloat back their freshness. We are already rotten to the core, all we can play now is the parasite. Fuck the kids, take a bite.

So.

I am tired of the internet making my head a buzz. On the internet I am an idealist about my real life, which is usually fun (probably theraputic), but I'm tired of it now. I wanna go home.

So If I want to talk, I'll talk. And such. Basicly I'm going to give blogging a rest now. It's getting samey anyways. One good thing about my blog has always been that there was do much time in between my posting sprees that I had changed in some way from one schpeel to the next. If I keep going at the same pace, I'll be a gayass.

I'll still be on formspring and the L33CH3RS forums.. which you should also visit

So a rest. And also a little Bjork shrine (Call me a stalker I don't even care):

Philip-Lorca diCorcia

Sorry about the low quality.. Acually, I'm not entirely happy with this post yet, I'll try to update it :)

God I'm full of shit on the internet

Royalty

Un beau matin, chez un peuple fort doux, un homme et une femme superbes criaient sur la place publique: «Mes amis, je veux qu'elle soit reine!» «Je veux être reine!» Elle riait et tremblait. Il parlait aux amis de révélation, d'épreuve terminée. Ils se pâmaient l'un cotre l'autre.

En Effet, ils furent rois toute une matinée, où les tentures carminées se relevèrent sur les maisons, et toute l'après-midi, où ils s'avancèrent du côté des jardins de palmes.

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One fine morning, in a land of extremely gentle people, a ver beautiful man and woman called out, quite loud, in a public place: "Dear friends, I want her to be queen!" "And I want to be queen!" She was laughing and trembling. He was telling friends about a revelation, about an ordeal they'd come through. they were weak with happiness.

As a matter of fact, they were royalty for a whole morning, while the houses were covered with bright-red bunting, and for a whole afternoon, while they walked in the direction of the palm gardens. 

Arthur Rimbaud

Spring Cleaning For My Brain

 People

Björk Guðmundsdóttir

Robert Wilson

Arthur Rimbaud

Audrey Hepburn

Antonin Artaud

 Albums

Alice - tom Waits

The Velvet Underground and Nico

Einstein on the beach - Philip Glass

Pink Moon - Nick Drake
Murray street - Sonic Youth

The White Album - The Beatles

Do you wish you were a girl?

I guess I wish i possessed some of the beauty within the effeminate, but ultimately I think being a man is the better option. I would love to be just that though, all man: men are also apes, and to be without the constant sexual monologue, as well as the overwhelming desire to be the alpha would solve most of my problems. Of which there are very few, of course, I'm a man. Women, from my observation point, have the gift of mental clarity, but also suffer from rank rational impurity. Men's same duplex/paradox? seems more physical.

Do I want to be a girl? Hell no. but I don't want to be a man's man either. I guess the practical answer is that I'm trying to turn myself back into a boy.. in a roundabout fashion.. where purity is uncorrupted.

Is it past your bedtime my little chauvinist?

Vocation

Theatre Direction

Dope Fiend

Lover 

Critic

Bullshitter

Love

Wank

Dance

Hug Pillows

Think

Get Dizzy

Be Alone 

Hey Lauren, how about you live for me? You go out and get the juice, smoke the smoke; and then when you're full, come back into my head and walk around in a paridise I'll make for you, and keep me company.
I have friends of course, but they're not like you, they don't know me as well, and I can't love them or.. Trust them with my love like I can trust you.
My head is bursting within itself, i'm so in love in my head - you people can't belive that because I don't show it to you (...anymore...) - Im far from enchanted in the real world - when I talk to people.

For my friends:
Music and quiet and important things mingle my head with your head if you let it. But small talk doesn't. Get that, because all you want to give me is small talk and I hate that and I can't do it anyway. Just let our minds connect without all the bullshit, save that for other people, then I'll let my girl/girly-love live in you as well. Because Im not afraid of giving you my love, mostly I just think you either don't want it, or that you're going to pollute it with all the shit that's in the world.

For now Lauren (or there's about four other names I could give you) you have my heart. And that said, I should be better to you, I don't talk to you very often and I'm sorry. I'll make a space for you.