I think, though I am lazy with many things, I have incrediably high standards, and that I'm pretty.. Intense.. When I put my mind to something..

I'm fucking fucking fucking worthless

Eeeeeevery one's heard 'working class hero' right? Well today I realized that it's true. And 'they' really do tourture and scare you for 20 odd years.
Nowhere that you go, whether you're a hermit or a scener of some square in the middle of nowhere, nowhere that you go will you be able to escape somethig that will break you.. Because something will find you and fuck you up. You can try so hard, so fuckin hard but you can't fuckin stop it.. Even a closed off asshole like me is just as vulnerable as someone who lies and loves everyday.. Why can't you just leave me alone? I went here to get away from you, can't you just fuck off?
Nice people are dirt just as I am. Dirt to Jesus? No, dirt to ourselves? I don't know and I wish I did so I could stop it.
Basicly everyone over 20 is broken somehow, impure like.

I mean, why can't you just meet a girl who's not going to fuck you over one way or another? I guess that's what I'm really saying, I wish I could, but I can't be happy on my own. And the movies aren't real, they're just a tease.. Maybe I'm dirt like they say?

(not very lyrical, but at least it's true this time)

Oldest children hav to break through motherly worry
if only to prove that trust is always betrayed
so the trust is never given
so the children are safe
but I am still the danger mouse!
Ain't nothin ta fuck wit
cause da bitches don't wait for mommy

If we didn't shit all the time we would rot, but I still decay shitting everyday. I Look at the bright kids, and picture them when they're spoilt. It's never far away. And look into their eyes: if they even realize you're there, they'll use theirs to gloat back their freshness. We are already rotten to the core, all we can play now is the parasite. Fuck the kids, take a bite.

So.

I am tired of the internet making my head a buzz. On the internet I am an idealist about my real life, which is usually fun (probably theraputic), but I'm tired of it now. I wanna go home.

So If I want to talk, I'll talk. And such. Basicly I'm going to give blogging a rest now. It's getting samey anyways. One good thing about my blog has always been that there was do much time in between my posting sprees that I had changed in some way from one schpeel to the next. If I keep going at the same pace, I'll be a gayass.

I'll still be on formspring and the L33CH3RS forums.. which you should also visit

So a rest. And also a little Bjork shrine (Call me a stalker I don't even care):

Philip-Lorca diCorcia

Sorry about the low quality.. Acually, I'm not entirely happy with this post yet, I'll try to update it :)

God I'm full of shit on the internet

Royalty

Un beau matin, chez un peuple fort doux, un homme et une femme superbes criaient sur la place publique: «Mes amis, je veux qu'elle soit reine!» «Je veux être reine!» Elle riait et tremblait. Il parlait aux amis de révélation, d'épreuve terminée. Ils se pâmaient l'un cotre l'autre.

En Effet, ils furent rois toute une matinée, où les tentures carminées se relevèrent sur les maisons, et toute l'après-midi, où ils s'avancèrent du côté des jardins de palmes.

-

 

One fine morning, in a land of extremely gentle people, a ver beautiful man and woman called out, quite loud, in a public place: "Dear friends, I want her to be queen!" "And I want to be queen!" She was laughing and trembling. He was telling friends about a revelation, about an ordeal they'd come through. they were weak with happiness.

As a matter of fact, they were royalty for a whole morning, while the houses were covered with bright-red bunting, and for a whole afternoon, while they walked in the direction of the palm gardens. 

Arthur Rimbaud

Spring Cleaning For My Brain

 People

Björk Guðmundsdóttir

Robert Wilson

Arthur Rimbaud

Audrey Hepburn

Antonin Artaud

 Albums

Alice - tom Waits

The Velvet Underground and Nico

Einstein on the beach - Philip Glass

Pink Moon - Nick Drake
Murray street - Sonic Youth

The White Album - The Beatles

Do you wish you were a girl?

I guess I wish i possessed some of the beauty within the effeminate, but ultimately I think being a man is the better option. I would love to be just that though, all man: men are also apes, and to be without the constant sexual monologue, as well as the overwhelming desire to be the alpha would solve most of my problems. Of which there are very few, of course, I'm a man. Women, from my observation point, have the gift of mental clarity, but also suffer from rank rational impurity. Men's same duplex/paradox? seems more physical.

Do I want to be a girl? Hell no. but I don't want to be a man's man either. I guess the practical answer is that I'm trying to turn myself back into a boy.. in a roundabout fashion.. where purity is uncorrupted.

Is it past your bedtime my little chauvinist?

Vocation

Theatre Direction

Dope Fiend

Lover 

Critic

Bullshitter

Love

Wank

Dance

Hug Pillows

Think

Get Dizzy

Be Alone 

Hey Lauren, how about you live for me? You go out and get the juice, smoke the smoke; and then when you're full, come back into my head and walk around in a paridise I'll make for you, and keep me company.
I have friends of course, but they're not like you, they don't know me as well, and I can't love them or.. Trust them with my love like I can trust you.
My head is bursting within itself, i'm so in love in my head - you people can't belive that because I don't show it to you (...anymore...) - Im far from enchanted in the real world - when I talk to people.

For my friends:
Music and quiet and important things mingle my head with your head if you let it. But small talk doesn't. Get that, because all you want to give me is small talk and I hate that and I can't do it anyway. Just let our minds connect without all the bullshit, save that for other people, then I'll let my girl/girly-love live in you as well. Because Im not afraid of giving you my love, mostly I just think you either don't want it, or that you're going to pollute it with all the shit that's in the world.

For now Lauren (or there's about four other names I could give you) you have my heart. And that said, I should be better to you, I don't talk to you very often and I'm sorry. I'll make a space for you.

 Spells

Quand le monde sera reduit en un seul bois noir pour nos quatre yeux etonnes, - en une plage pour deux enfants fideles, - en une maison musicale pour notre claire sympathie, - je vous trouverai.
Qu'il n'y ait ici-bas qu'un vieillard seul, calme et beau, entoure d'un "luxe inoui", - et je suis a vos genoux.
Que j'aie realise tous vos souvenirs, - que je sois celle qui sais vous garrotter, - je vous etoufferari.

-

Quand nous sommes tres forts, - qui recule?tres gais, - qui tombe de ridicule? Quand nous sommes tres mechants, - que ferait-on de nous?
Parez-vous, dansez, riez. - Je ne pourrai jamais envoyer I' Amour par la fenetre.

-

-Ma camarade, mendiante, enfant monstre! comme ca t'est egal, ces malheureuses et ces manoeuvres, et mes embarras. Attache-toi a nous avec ta voix impossible, ta voix! unique flatteur de ce vil desespoir.

-

Une matinee couverte, en Juillet. Un gout de cendres vole dans l'air;-une odeur de bois suant dans l'atre, - les fleurs rouies - le sac-cage des promenades - la bruine des canaux par les champs - pourquoi pas deja les joujoux et l'encens?

-

J'ai tendu des cordes de clocher a clocher; des guirlandes de fenetre a fenetre; des chaines d'or d'etoile a etoile, et je danse.

-

Le haut etang fume continuellement. Quelle sorciere va se dresser sur le courchant blanc? Quelles violettes frondaisons vont descentre?

-

Pendant que les fonds publics s'ecoulent en fetes de fraternite il sonne une cloche de feu rose dans les nuages

-

Avivant un agreable gout d'encre de Chine, une poudre noire pleut doucement sur ma veillee. - Je baisse les feux du lustre, je me jette sur le lit, et tourne du cote de l'ombre je vous vois, mes filles! mes reines!

---------------------------------------

When the world's nothing but one dark wood for our sacred eyes - a beach for two faithful chirdren - a musical house for our clear sympathy - I'll find you.
when there' s only one old man left on earth, quiet and beautiful, living among "unheard of luxuries" - I'll be at your feet.

When I'm familiar with all your memories - when I'm the one who knows how to garrotte you - I'll strangle you.

-

When we're very strong, who backs up? very happy, - who dies of shyness? When we're very bad - what will they do with us?

Dress up, dance, laugh. I'll never want to throw toss love out the window.

-

 My little buddy, hustler-girl, Monstrous brat! These sexy wiles and my bashfulness are all the same to you. Hangonto us with your unbelievable voice, your voice! sole sycophant of this vile despair.

-

Overcast morning, in July. A taste of ashes floats in the air; - the smell of sweaty wood in the fireplace, - soaking flowers, - garbage all over the sidewalks, -  drizzle from the canals above the feilds - why not playthigs right now, and incense?

-

I've stretched some ropes from belfry to belfry, garlands from window to window, gold chains from star to star, and I dance.

-

the high pond is streaming endlessly. What witch will fly high over the white sunset? What purple fronds will come down?

-

While public moneys are being squandered on "fraternal banquets", a bell of pink fire is ringing in the clouds.

-

Rekindling a pleasant taste for China Ink, a black powder rains softly on my evening. I lower the jets of the gaslights, I throw myself on the bed and, turning my face towards the dark, I see you, my girls! my queens!

Arthur Rimbaud

..

I must admit, transcribing this was trying, and as i don't read french I have no idea whether I got it right or wrong,  and most importantly I have no idea how to put those lines above e's and a's and such. if someone tells me how to do this I'll try to rectify what I'm guessing is quite a serious grammatical error

Bluebird

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I'm not going
to let anybody see
you.

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pur whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he's
in there.

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess
me up?
you want to screw up the
works?
you want to blow my book sales in
Europe?

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody's asleep.
I say, I know that you're there,
so don't be
sad.
then I put him back,
but he's singing a little
in there, I haven't quite let him
die
and we sleep together like
that
with our
secret pact
and it's nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don't
weep, do
you?

The Genius of the Crowd

There is enough treachery, hatred, Violence, Absurdity in the average human Being To supply any given army on any given day. AND The Best At Murder Are Those Who Preach Against It. AND The Best at Hate Are Those Who Preach LOVE AND THE BEST AT WAR – FINALLY – ARE THOSE WHO PREACH PEACE

Those Who Preach GOD NEED God Those Who Preach PEACE Do Not Have Peace. THOSE WHO PREACH LOVE DO NOT HAVE LOVE BEWARE THE PREACHERS Beware The Knowers.

Beware
Those Who
Are ALWAYS
READING
BOOKS

Beware Those Who Either Detest Poverty Or Are Proud Of It

BEWARE Those Quick To Praise For They Need PRAISE In Return

BEWARE Those Quick To Censure: They Are Afraid Of What They Do Not Know

Beware Those Who Seek Constant Crowds; They Are Nothing Alone

Beware
The Average Man
The Average Woman
BEWARE Their Love

Their Love Is Average; Seeks Average But the Is Genius In Their Hatred There Is Enough Genius In Their Hatred To Kill You, To Kill Anybody.

Not wanting Solitude Not Understanding Solitude They Will Attempt To Destroy Anything That Differs From Their Own

Not Being Able
To Create Art
They Will Not
Understand Art

They Will Consider Their Failure As Creators Only As A Failure Of The World

Not Being Able To Love Fully They Will BELIEVE Your Love Incomplere AND THEN THEY WILL HATE YOU

And Their Hatred Will Be Perfect Like A Shining Diamond Like A Knife Like A Mountain LIKE A TIGER LIKE Hemlock

Their Finest 

ART

 The Laughing Heart

your life is your life

don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.

be on the watch.

there are ways out.

there is a light somewhere.

it may not be much light but

it beats the darkness.

be on the watch.

the gods will offer you chances.

know them.

take them.

you can’t beat death but

you can beat death in life, sometimes.

and the more often you learn to do it,

the more light there will be.

your life is your life.

know it while you have it.

you are marvelous

the gods wait to delight

in you.

Charles Bukowski

Leitrim23 is loved by the flowers he doesn't notice and the birds he doesn't notice and the grass he sits on and the walls he hides in and the bed he sleeps on and the clothes he wears and maybe that's all but he should eat chocholate and friends and hate and shouldn't listen to music that makes him feel shit and should do something thqt he loves doing and put his soul into it... I think... The world loves him forever and ever

I never tell you about my day. So my day:

I woke at 10 o'clock not in my bed, but on the couch in my study beacuse MY AUNT AND UNCLE WERE SLEEPING IN MY BED. They were already up so the first thing I did was change the sheets.

Theeeeen I drifted into the living room, where about 20 members of my extended family were talking about boring shit; so I left and went for a walk around the block, which took me about.. an hour? a bit longer. Theeen when i got back I found out that they were STILL IN MY FUCKING HOUSE and tht they were staying for lunch. Then they bellittled me for liking Patti Smith and Pulp Fiction. Then they left.

And my house was mine for the rest of the day and life was good again.

My cousins were alright, its just the faggot wife beaters that really piss me off.

Thats my day.

And I'm pretty quiet lately, because i'm in love with the world <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3